So.... I received the following email:
From: xxxxx xxxxxxx (View Profile)
Subject: Hi xxxxxxx Sent Date: 10/8/2009 9:47:21 PM
Hi my names is xxxxx xxxxxxx
Every message I receive attaches the profile picture(s) of the interested party. Who wouldn't check out his profile?!?! Luckily, my co-blogger was at home with me when I received his first message. She betted that he won that trophy in a hotdog-eating contest. He listed his body-type as "Athletic" and I suppose that does qualify as a sport.
His "About Me" section is best read aloud:
About Me
I Like Beach.Pools,Swimming,Hiking.Spa,Walking,Chat,Soical,Alot Water,Biking,And Goal To be P.E. Teacher Still College For Year To go.I Like Wear Normal Dress And Look Nice Haircut Styles.I Love Band Going Country OR Rock -N- Roll AND Meet Rolling Stone AND Bruce Springteen.I Meet Pat Green In Country Music I Was A Body Guard. And I Like Going To Beach And Skating Rolling Blading.If You Want Go With me Just Ask We Will Get Together As Deep blue As Together As Last Forever.And Also Getting Meet Me Somewhere Or Going Place Or Your To Meet. Just Let Me Know.Remeber I Am Open. Mind.Going To Musesum In Downtown Dallas And Got In Downtown Fort Worth Got Nice Weekend Going To Festval Looking Arts.And I Got Nice Fire Place And Alot Movie Dvd And Enjoy It.Doing Computer On Good Time And Got Nice Hot Tub Huges I Got Them And Like To Know Each Other Often Best We Can Get Trust Each Other I Like Church Jesus Is Making Us Feel Great Time.Going Wine Tasting Place In Grapevine.
First Date
Meet Starbuck Coffee Or Going To Zoo Or Walking Park.
Curiosity takes over. I really needed to know how he got that trophy. Maybe he won a moose-wrestling contest in his homeland of Austria. He MUST be foreign... it's the only way to explain the accent I had started using when reading his email/profile aloud.
From: xxxxxxxxx (View Profile)
Subject: RE:Hi xxxxxxx Sent Date: 10/8/2009 10:41:28 PM
Hi xxxxx!
Where are you from and where'd you get that trophy?
xxxxxx
Now, while he writes me back (he's obviously very busy winning trophies and ladies' hearts to write me back immediately...), I have to tell you that it pains me to edit out his real name and his username. They're too good to be true. His user name is exactly what he's told me his real name is... except that he's added the double letters at the end of his last name a couple more times. Also, his first name is one that is ALMOST ALWAYS 99.9999% OF THE TIME a nickname. No one ever actually names their kid THIS on their birth certificate, do they?? And it's hard to illustrate my frustration without telling you either of his names!!!! HHHHHHHHHHH.
The best I can come up with is: Bubba Wrapppp. As if Bubba WraPP and Bubba WraPPP were already taken as usernames. Hopefully, you can understand where I'm coming from...
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From: bubba wrapppp (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: RE:RE:Hi xxxxxxx Sent Date: 10/9/2009 8:11:56 AM
I am from arlington,texas near hwy 360 and brown blvd. it closer 2 miles from new cowboys stuidam. trophy I got it from texas motor speedway won a hot dogs eating contest in 6 min. it only 10 hot dogs it not bad. got 20,000 fans watch me it 10 men in contest. but I lose alot weight since a year now. It alright with you can I dating with you, Bubba Wrapp ph# is 817-200-xxxx
NO EFFING WAY!!! I immediately text my roommate.
"How THE FUCK did you guess he was ACTUALLY in a hot dog eating contest? THE FUCK."
From: xxxxxxxxx (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi xxxxxxx Sent Date: 10/9/2009 9:56:47 AM
well, congrats on your contest-winning AND your weight-loss!!!
I don't think we'd be a good dating match, but you seem very sweet. best of luck to you, xxxxx!
xxxxxx
From: bubba wrapppp (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi xxxxxxx Sent Date: 10/9/2009 10:01:01 AM
Thank YOU YOU TOO.
