Close your eyes.. and picture someone saying this to you..
ur funny well note to self do not say nothing corny to this fether cuz it wont be catchable lol lol lol hi im xxxx
Now open them. Are you almost positive that the person saying this to you is probably a descendant of Yoda? I thought so too...twinsies!! Kids, punctuation and spell check is your friend. Although corrective and blunt about your mistakes and errors, it really does have your best interest at heart.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Getting Deleted
Here at HTLAGI10EOL, we're not immune to hurt feelings. I mean, we are CAUSING most of the hurt feelings around here. But we're not just waiting around for the men to email us so we can make fun of them. If I see something I like, I'll poke it with a stick.
I found a darling man: 31 years old, 5'11", literate, cute! A funny white boy who happens to speak Spanish from living and studying in Mexico... In his profile, he asks the age old question: "What's SnoopDogg use to wash his threads?"
From: iamsoooofunny (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: bleee-yach! (for snoop's laundry) Sent Date: 8/30/2009 9:02:22 PM
why does snoop use an umbrella? fo drizzle.
soy una sandia y el cacahuate esta en mi umbligo. mucho gusto.
For the non-Spanish speakers, the last sentences translate to "I am a watermelon and the peanut is in my belly-button. Nice to meet you."
I received this delightful response.
From: omgyouAREfunny (View Profile)
Subject: RE:bleee-yach! (for snoop's laundry) Sent Date: 8/30/2009 9:27:35 PM
My manties just dropped...take what you'd like :)))
haha
Funny email...thanks for the laugh! :)
Jxxxxxx
And then he deleted my email.
And I didn't notice I'd been deleted until AFTER I wrote him back the next day.
Ouch, my feelings....
I found a darling man: 31 years old, 5'11", literate, cute! A funny white boy who happens to speak Spanish from living and studying in Mexico... In his profile, he asks the age old question: "What's SnoopDogg use to wash his threads?"
From: iamsoooofunny (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: bleee-yach! (for snoop's laundry) Sent Date: 8/30/2009 9:02:22 PM
why does snoop use an umbrella? fo drizzle.
soy una sandia y el cacahuate esta en mi umbligo. mucho gusto.
For the non-Spanish speakers, the last sentences translate to "I am a watermelon and the peanut is in my belly-button. Nice to meet you."
I received this delightful response.
From: omgyouAREfunny (View Profile)
Subject: RE:bleee-yach! (for snoop's laundry) Sent Date: 8/30/2009 9:27:35 PM
My manties just dropped...take what you'd like :)))
haha
Funny email...thanks for the laugh! :)
Jxxxxxx
And then he deleted my email.
And I didn't notice I'd been deleted until AFTER I wrote him back the next day.
Ouch, my feelings....
What's In A Name
You have to be careful out here in online dating land. You never know who's going to Google you for evil purposes. I don't like when a potential suitor asks me for personal information in the initial email. It's usually 'hey yo can i get your number?' These days, just your name can give them everything they need to know to find you at home. Sure, I could give him my first name, at least. But really, what difference will knowing my name make to him? Also, it's way less fun.
From: xxxxx123 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hey Sent Date: 8/31/2009 9:25:00 AM
I can tell by your profile and the fact that you are a red head you are a lot of fun. What is your name?
Jxxxxxxx
From: icankickyourass (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: RE:Hey Sent Date: 8/31/2009 10:16:50 AM
chuck norris
I anxiously awaited his witty retort... hoping for some good-natured back-and-forth ribbing. I got a whole list of things Chuck Norris can kick holes in. Copy and paste is not a response, gentlemen... And I already knew I could slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris knows what Chuck Norris can do.
From: xxxxx123 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hey Sent Date: 8/31/2009 9:25:00 AM
I can tell by your profile and the fact that you are a red head you are a lot of fun. What is your name?
Jxxxxxxx
From: icankickyourass (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: RE:Hey Sent Date: 8/31/2009 10:16:50 AM
chuck norris
I anxiously awaited his witty retort... hoping for some good-natured back-and-forth ribbing. I got a whole list of things Chuck Norris can kick holes in. Copy and paste is not a response, gentlemen... And I already knew I could slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris knows what Chuck Norris can do.
Put down "The Game"
If Neil Strauss is listed on your 'hero' list above Ed Hardy and Derek Zoolander.. go ahead and move along. I get coy and I get sarcasm even though both are hard to translate in text, but there is a point when both of those have been surpassed and we enter into Dbagville, population: You and your affliction shirt. Don't email me with a preconceived notion that it would be an honor for me to be contacted by you. You, my friend, need to put down the book. I don't know that I have overheard a woman who is worth dating say 'yeah, actually we met because he told me how ugly my shoes were,it was love at first insult'.
Case in point:
From: xxxxxx (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hey Sent Date: 8/30/2009 11:41:22 PM
hey, your profile was pretty lame but lucky for you I decided to give you another chance to redeem yourself. Tell me about yourself in a way that I might find you interesting and want to get to know you better.
I'm sorry, your ego was up entirely too loud, what were you saying? I'm not worthy? Allow me to vomit a list of reasons why I think you should waste my time when you could be doing better things, like tanning.
Case in point:
From: xxxxxx (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hey Sent Date: 8/30/2009 11:41:22 PM
hey, your profile was pretty lame but lucky for you I decided to give you another chance to redeem yourself. Tell me about yourself in a way that I might find you interesting and want to get to know you better.
I'm sorry, your ego was up entirely too loud, what were you saying? I'm not worthy? Allow me to vomit a list of reasons why I think you should waste my time when you could be doing better things, like tanning.
The One Sentence Wonder...
Ok, so the goal of my signing up on this site was not necessarily to get a date. I moved to a new area, I figured it might be a good way to meet new people. My profile reads short and sweet but also specific. Please be interesting. Simple. I.e. dont write me and say 'hi u r pretty', 'hi'or 'a/s/l' (really? are you in a time warp trapped in america online in 1998? it clearly says my "a/s/l" in plain sight) I imagine a date with a guy that only says "whats up" in his message would be filled with awkward silences and disappointed sighs. I like to call these guys "One Sentence Wonders".
Case in point:
From: xxxxx (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hey gorgeous) Sent Date: 8/29/2009 2:09:18 PM
sexy
Ummmm. How do you respond to that? Thanks? Ok? No, but thanks for asking? Here is my address, please come and pick me up asap, we have lots of nothing to talk about!
If you are a one sentence wonder please take note... read/deleted is probably going to haunt you until you throw in an extra word or two. Bonus points for complete sentences with a subject and a predicate! Come back next week when we'll discuss complex sentences, but only if you're ready to become assimilated into everyday conversations!
Case in point:
From: xxxxx (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hey gorgeous) Sent Date: 8/29/2009 2:09:18 PM
sexy
Ummmm. How do you respond to that? Thanks? Ok? No, but thanks for asking? Here is my address, please come and pick me up asap, we have lots of nothing to talk about!
If you are a one sentence wonder please take note... read/deleted is probably going to haunt you until you throw in an extra word or two. Bonus points for complete sentences with a subject and a predicate! Come back next week when we'll discuss complex sentences, but only if you're ready to become assimilated into everyday conversations!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
In Addition to Having a "Positive Attitude", "Getting My Jokes" is Something I Listed as a Turn-On, Bud
From: xxxxxxxxxx (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: What ? Sent Date: 8/30/2009 6:55:00 PM
" Boring stupid loser seeks same " that is not a positive attitude...I dig your profile outside that!
Subject: What ? Sent Date: 8/30/2009 6:55:00 PM
" Boring stupid loser seeks same " that is not a positive attitude...I dig your profile outside that!
I Have GayFace, I Enjoy Fine Art, and My Weight Is Evenly Distributed
From: XXXXXXX (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hi Sent Date: 8/30/2009 5:29:11 PM
How are you? How is your weekend going?
It would be nice to talk to you and find out what your like?
Dxxxx
The following images were attached to this message.

I am Seeking a Woman For Long term
Do you drink?
Socially
Marital Status
Single
Profession
Electrical Engineer
Smarts
N/A
Do you want children?
Prefer Not To Say
Do you do drugs?
No
Do you have children?
No
Do you have a car?
Yes
About Me
I'm looking for someone normal, fun and a little laid back. No offense to people with mental issues but, anyone who is bipolar, schizophrenic, or suicidal please pass me by. I'm a great catch with blue eyes, I have all my teeth, I'm well above average height, I'm not fat or not skin and bones and my weight is evenly distributed. I like to do just about anything fun from going out to relaxing and cuddling indoors. If you are looking for the same in a person and would like to know more please by all means send me an email.
First Date
Meet and talk where we both feel commfortable and agree on.
Subject: Hi Sent Date: 8/30/2009 5:29:11 PM
How are you? How is your weekend going?
It would be nice to talk to you and find out what your like?
Dxxxx
The following images were attached to this message.
I am Seeking a Woman For Long term
Do you drink?
Socially
Marital Status
Single
Profession
Electrical Engineer
Smarts
N/A
Do you want children?
Prefer Not To Say
Do you do drugs?
No
Do you have children?
No
Do you have a car?
Yes
About Me
I'm looking for someone normal, fun and a little laid back. No offense to people with mental issues but, anyone who is bipolar, schizophrenic, or suicidal please pass me by. I'm a great catch with blue eyes, I have all my teeth, I'm well above average height, I'm not fat or not skin and bones and my weight is evenly distributed. I like to do just about anything fun from going out to relaxing and cuddling indoors. If you are looking for the same in a person and would like to know more please by all means send me an email.
First Date
Meet and talk where we both feel commfortable and agree on.
9 Out of 10 Women Love Me - Why Don't You?!
From: i'msoinsecurewhydon'tyouwantmeeveryonewantsme! (View Profile)
Subject: Be Honest
Sent Date: 8/28/2009 12:19:46 PM
Hey, I’m just curious wtf
First, you have to understand, I am not angry, hurt or sensitive about you not replying to my email. No worry at all. If everyone was attracted to everyone, we would have a mess. What I’m curious about though, is why you would just read and delete my email without any response?
Please be honest, what is it? Don’t worry, it’s not possible for you to hurt my feelings. You have to know me to have the power to hurt my feelings.
I know if I saw you in public and knew you were single, 9/10 times I would walk away with the number, but on here women seem to just look over me and I’m starting to feel like I’m missing something.
So, what was it? Why didn’t you at least reply to my email?
You messaged me again! You're *that* guy! Ew! That email is repetitive in asking why why why and you really think that I believe you're not sensitive about it?
I took another gander at your profile to remind myself of the other reasons I wasn't interested. Anything I've added or changed in bold is an extra turn-off....
I am Seeking: a Woman For Dating
Do you drink? Socially
Marital Status: Divorced
Profession: Business Owner
Smarts: Some college
Do you want children? Yes
Do you do drugs? No
Do you have children? Yes
Do you have a car? Yes
Interests: (And boy, you have so many! When do you have time to sleep?)
Family
Friends
Internet
Inventing
Guitar
Technology
1011 (this probably means 'sex' in binary. so clever.)
Mensa puzzles (no one should admit this)
Architecture
Gadgets
Movies
Theater
Film
Non-fiction
Comedy
Masterbation (if you're going to admit it, spelling is key)
Roller coasters
Riding fresh powder
Travel
Storms
Water
Scuba diving
Sand
Kayaking
White water rafting
Tube floating rivers
Widespread panic
Golf
Poker
Food
Wine
Sushi
Working
Creating
Good beer
Great conversations
Chess
Full moons
About Me: This is my first dating site to join so I'm a little apprehensive. In the past, I always thought dating sites were for losers who lacked the courage to approach a woman in real life. But, after years of hearing stories with happy endings, I decided to join the fun.
Alright, so about me…first, I feel a little geigh right now writing about myself. I haven’t done this since a creative writing class in college where I made everything up and exaggerated about my event filled life. I already don’t like the idea of starting every sentence with I. I think I have a great sense of humor, but unfortunately, everyone “thinks” they have a great sense of humor. But, I do like to laugh, I like to find new ways to make people laugh and I like to be with women who laugh easily and make other people laugh. Laughing is funny. I enjoy traveling, seeing new places and being around new people. Camping is also fun, but with a very long extension cord. Art is fun, but so is science and technology. Philosophy was fun until I found out that my life is just a parody of a parallel universe. I like to help people, but I don’t like people to help me. I don’t spend a whole lot of time in front of the TV, but the Daily Show makes me laugh out loud and Oprah makes me cry. A friend of mine turned me on to the show “Whale Wars” on Animal Planet, but I had to stop watching it because I found myself rooting for the whalers because the people on that show are such idiots. My favorite food is sushi and my favorite drink is Grey Goose martini (in a high ball glass so I don’t look like a fruit drinking it). I like to drink, but don’t like to get drunk. Awkward situations make me feel alive. The world needs more random acts of kindness.
First Date: coffee, possibly****ails (hehe, it blocked out c0ck) first to see if there is any chemistry. If the sparks fly, then maybe create some exciting spur of the moment plans. Going to the movies on the first couple of dates are usually reserved for unimaginative guys who fear they will not have anything to talk about and need someone else to entertain them. I like to be on creative on dates. But, if you're with the right person, it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, it's going to be good times. Instant chemistry, easy conversation, and lots of laughter is what I'm after...
Subject: Be Honest
Sent Date: 8/28/2009 12:19:46 PM
Hey, I’m just curious wtf
First, you have to understand, I am not angry, hurt or sensitive about you not replying to my email. No worry at all. If everyone was attracted to everyone, we would have a mess. What I’m curious about though, is why you would just read and delete my email without any response?
Please be honest, what is it? Don’t worry, it’s not possible for you to hurt my feelings. You have to know me to have the power to hurt my feelings.
I know if I saw you in public and knew you were single, 9/10 times I would walk away with the number, but on here women seem to just look over me and I’m starting to feel like I’m missing something.
So, what was it? Why didn’t you at least reply to my email?
You messaged me again! You're *that* guy! Ew! That email is repetitive in asking why why why and you really think that I believe you're not sensitive about it?
I took another gander at your profile to remind myself of the other reasons I wasn't interested. Anything I've added or changed in bold is an extra turn-off....
I am Seeking: a Woman For Dating
Do you drink? Socially
Marital Status: Divorced
Profession: Business Owner
Smarts: Some college
Do you want children? Yes
Do you do drugs? No
Do you have children? Yes
Do you have a car? Yes
Interests: (And boy, you have so many! When do you have time to sleep?)
Family
Friends
Internet
Inventing
Guitar
Technology
1011 (this probably means 'sex' in binary. so clever.)
Mensa puzzles (no one should admit this)
Architecture
Gadgets
Movies
Theater
Film
Non-fiction
Comedy
Masterbation (if you're going to admit it, spelling is key)
Roller coasters
Riding fresh powder
Travel
Storms
Water
Scuba diving
Sand
Kayaking
White water rafting
Tube floating rivers
Widespread panic
Golf
Poker
Food
Wine
Sushi
Working
Creating
Good beer
Great conversations
Chess
Full moons
About Me: This is my first dating site to join so I'm a little apprehensive. In the past, I always thought dating sites were for losers who lacked the courage to approach a woman in real life. But, after years of hearing stories with happy endings, I decided to join the fun.
Alright, so about me…first, I feel a little geigh right now writing about myself. I haven’t done this since a creative writing class in college where I made everything up and exaggerated about my event filled life. I already don’t like the idea of starting every sentence with I. I think I have a great sense of humor, but unfortunately, everyone “thinks” they have a great sense of humor. But, I do like to laugh, I like to find new ways to make people laugh and I like to be with women who laugh easily and make other people laugh. Laughing is funny. I enjoy traveling, seeing new places and being around new people. Camping is also fun, but with a very long extension cord. Art is fun, but so is science and technology. Philosophy was fun until I found out that my life is just a parody of a parallel universe. I like to help people, but I don’t like people to help me. I don’t spend a whole lot of time in front of the TV, but the Daily Show makes me laugh out loud and Oprah makes me cry. A friend of mine turned me on to the show “Whale Wars” on Animal Planet, but I had to stop watching it because I found myself rooting for the whalers because the people on that show are such idiots. My favorite food is sushi and my favorite drink is Grey Goose martini (in a high ball glass so I don’t look like a fruit drinking it). I like to drink, but don’t like to get drunk. Awkward situations make me feel alive. The world needs more random acts of kindness.
First Date: coffee, possibly****ails (hehe, it blocked out c0ck) first to see if there is any chemistry. If the sparks fly, then maybe create some exciting spur of the moment plans. Going to the movies on the first couple of dates are usually reserved for unimaginative guys who fear they will not have anything to talk about and need someone else to entertain them. I like to be on creative on dates. But, if you're with the right person, it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, it's going to be good times. Instant chemistry, easy conversation, and lots of laughter is what I'm after...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Intro to Chads
From: xxxxxxxxxxxx (View Profile)
Subject: hey Sent Date: 8/28/2009 10:19:38 AM
lol, nice header! im Exxx.. whatcha up to?

From: EdHardysuckstoo (View Profile)
Subject: RE:hey Sent Date: 8/28/2009 10:53:41 AM
not much. working. i burn affliction shirts for a living.
From: xxxxxxxxxxx (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:hey Sent Date: 8/28/2009 11:03:03 AM
just finished my first week of classes.. whew! recently outta the marine corps infantry, and in school full time. i work part time and volunteer at a hospital.. besides not knowing anyone here in dallas due to being deployment alot, you loose alot of ties so im starting over.. great to be back in texas with my family!
Huh?! Way to keep the conversation going about my job! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME!
Subject: hey Sent Date: 8/28/2009 10:19:38 AM
lol, nice header! im Exxx.. whatcha up to?
From: EdHardysuckstoo (View Profile)
Subject: RE:hey Sent Date: 8/28/2009 10:53:41 AM
not much. working. i burn affliction shirts for a living.
From: xxxxxxxxxxx (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:hey Sent Date: 8/28/2009 11:03:03 AM
just finished my first week of classes.. whew! recently outta the marine corps infantry, and in school full time. i work part time and volunteer at a hospital.. besides not knowing anyone here in dallas due to being deployment alot, you loose alot of ties so im starting over.. great to be back in texas with my family!
Huh?! Way to keep the conversation going about my job! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME!
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